i know a friend, actually we are not really "friends". we work together, we play together. i would call this workmate, playmate but i use a word "friend" instead of "-mate". he and i like to work together because we have same ideas "sometimes", not all time. i think i know him really well. i will try to work with him to make sure the things well. however, i started to realize there is a serious problem.
i think we mess up the concept of "friends". i can't define the definition of "friends". i just know about how a friend should be. i can't say i am a good friend but a least i did what i can did to everyone. i know, sometimes i am so bitchy and picky. i will judge what my friends did but the judge is came from my kindness heart. i hate people pretend to know about me very well. i am not trying to say i am not welcome to everyone. i am willing to make friends with everyone. but i like to do assortment with people. i will put some people in different group such as "people that i can share my mind", "people that i will kick their ass", "bitches", "disgusting sissy gays" etc.
back to "a friend" of mine, i started to hate him. i don't want to be like this but the devil in my mind told me, 'you should not talk will him', 'you should shame for him', 'you should not do any things for him'...... i try to find some excuse for him but i can't. i don't know what should do? did he do something bad to me? no. did he steal my money? no. did he be rude to me? no. maybe this is very strange, yes, i always think of strange things. maybe, i just do nothing to wait for the feeling's gone.
i am not going to come up any conclusion after writing this. i hope you guys can give me some advice
回正題，關於那位「朋友」，我開始討厭他。這是我最不想的情況，但腦入面的魔鬼不斷告訴我:「你不應該跟他說話」、「你應該為他而羞恥」、「你不應該再為他做任何事」...... 我嘗試去為他找一些借口但我不能夠。我不知道該怎樣做...... 他對我做過什麼壞事？沒有。他偷了我的錢？沒有。他對我無禮？沒有。這樣可能很奇怪，是，反正我思想就是奇怪。或者，我應該慢慢等待這種感覺過去。