Sunday, January 27, 2013

i knew you were trouble



i know a friend, actually we are not really "friends". we work together, we play together. i would call this workmate, playmate but i use a word "friend" instead of "-mate". he and i like to work together because we have same ideas "sometimes", not all time. i think i know him really well. i will try to work with him to make sure the things well. however, i started to realize there is a serious problem.

i think we mess up the concept of "friends". i can't define the definition of "friends". i just know about how a friend should be. i can't say i am a good friend but a least i did what i can did to everyone. i know, sometimes i am so bitchy and picky. i will judge what my friends did but the judge is came from my kindness heart. i hate people pretend to know about me very well. i am not trying to say i am not welcome to everyone. i am willing to make friends with everyone. but i like to do assortment with people. i will put some people in different group such as "people that i can share my mind", "people that i will kick their ass", "bitches", "disgusting sissy gays" etc.

back to "a friend" of mine, i started to hate him. i don't want to be like this but the devil in my mind told me, 'you should not talk will him', 'you should shame for him', 'you should not do any things for him'...... i try to find some excuse for him but i can't. i don't know what should do? did he do something bad to me? no. did he steal my money? no. did he be rude to me? no. maybe this is very strange, yes, i always think of strange things. maybe, i just do nothing to wait for the feeling's gone. 

i am not going to come up any conclusion after writing this. i hope you guys can give me some advice 

/

我認識一位友人,其實我們算不上是什麼朋友。我們一起工作、一起玩。我稱之為同事、玩伴但我會用朋友去稱呼他而不是「同事、玩伴」。我喜歡跟他工作原因是我們有時候會有一些共同的方向。我非常熟悉他,我希望去配合他令事情變得好一點。可惜,慢慢地我發現問題出現了。

我想我們都誤解了「朋友」這個概念。雖然我不懂怎樣去理解這回事,但我知道朋友該做什麼。我不能說我是一位理想的朋友,但起碼我會為朋友做我能做的事。我明白有時候我有點挑剔,我喜歡去評價其他人,但我保證所有都是來自我一顆善良的心。我討厭一些認為很了解我的人,我不是說我不喜歡交朋友而是我喜歡把朋友分類。我會把人分為不同種類,例如:「可以交心的朋友」、「欠打的人」、「八婆」、「過份地嬌艷的同志們」等......

回正題,關於那位「朋友」,我開始討厭他。這是我最不想的情況,但腦入面的魔鬼不斷告訴我:「你不應該跟他說話」、「你應該為他而羞恥」、「你不應該再為他做任何事」...... 我嘗試去為他找一些借口但我不能夠。我不知道該怎樣做...... 他對我做過什麼壞事?沒有。他偷了我的錢?沒有。他對我無禮?沒有。這樣可能很奇怪,是,反正我思想就是奇怪。或者,我應該慢慢等待這種感覺過去。

其實我對此事沒有什麼的結論。但我希望大家給我一些意見,到底應該怎樣辦?

xoxo p.


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